So the other night Boyfriend, Phriend and I went to dinner. I decided on one of our favorite LES spots; an extra small, only about nine tables fusion place. We also know the chef/owner so no doubt it would be an amazing meal.
Boyfriend and I enter the packed (so happy I made reservation!) restaurant and wait for Phriend to arrive to be seated. While we waited I saw that there was only one waitress, delightful woman who gives great service. Only two guys behind the open kitchen and one guy playing host/take out/runner/busser and helping Waitress out.
We sit, order quickly since we know the food and receive our wine and water. Minutes later our food begins to come out; all shared with no rhyme or rhythm to their arrival. I was happy; the two dishes I really, really wanted came out first. Everything was amazing; the wine, the food and especially the conversation.
That ended abruptly when I heard my name proceeded by a loud, nasally shriek. I turned around to see this large nose, too much black eyeliner, Sideshow Bob hairdo, fake tan girl that I vaguely remember from camp over a decade ago. She used to make fun of me, constantly. My boyfriend then turns around and says “hello AnnoyingGirl.” She then shrikes again, screams Boyfriends full name, turns to her much too thin and extremely drunk with an equally bad fake tan girlfriend and screams “This is why I’m writing a Book!!”
At this point new food had arrived at our table so both Boyfriend and I turn back to Phriend who is just staring at the freak show AnnoyingGirl in awe. The audacity of some people he mutters into his plate of deep fried pork belly and sticky rice. I shake my head and laugh and begin to pour the second bottle of wine.
More food arrives and the last table of the night is sat. Four extremely tall Europeans, I think Swedes. Waitress takes them to the table directly behind us, next to AnnoyingGirl. All is well for about a second longer until AnnoyingGirl starts screaming at one of the lady Swedes claiming their drunk asses had knocked her wine and water all over her new Prada bag and brand new Blackberry.
Everyone in the restaurant turns around; 20 or so people. AnnoyingGirl continues to tirade the Swedish woman as they are little children who got into the paint cans. Accusing them of being drunk and demanding CASH immediately for the items they ruined.
The Swedes begin to think they’ve done something wrong, being that they haven’t ate at this establishment before and start to leave when an Asian woman sitting in the front table swoops in like Wonder Woman and tells them to sit back down. She then turns to AnnoyingGirl, tells her to get up, gather her things and get the hell out of this restaurant. She even offered to pay her tab so that she’d leave. AnnoyingGirl grudgingly gathered her things (everyone wants a free dinner, right?), cursing the entire way through the restaurant, screaming that they weren’t even done and that her belongings are destroyed and free food won’t fix her phone.
As she walks by and I catch a glimpse of her outfit- way too short cut off jeans with a fitted black button down exposing her massive boobs and gut accompanied with black knee length boots with a five inch heel, I realized that Karma really does exist. That the Mean Girls are eventually shown theirs and that hopefully it is always just as sweet as watching a damp Prada bag on the arm of a bitch being escorted out by two large Asian men.
Real dessert soon arrived and the tarts couldn’t have tasted any better.